I’ve tried to talk myself out of this for the past few weeks.

Telling myself:

I’m too young for this.
My story doesn’t matter.
What do I have to say?
I’m too busy.
What if they—

But plain and simple, God’s in control of my life. His opinion is the only one that matters, so it doesn’t matter what they will say because God’s purpose for my life is so much greater. I’m 18 years old and according to 1 Timothy 4:12, “Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity” I should tell the story I have even if I don’t think it matters, because it matters to God, and I don’t know what impact it will have unless I speak up.

During isolation, I had much time to reflect. I had a lot of time in my head, which can be a good thing and a bad thing. Honestly, I thought I knew everything there was to Christianity and I thought I was well off and didn’t need to expand my faith journey. I thought that having body image issues was normal, looking in the mirror and crying was normal, seeking validation from others was normal, and holding back those thoughts of “I don’t think this is a good idea” or “this isn’t good for me” was something that should be brushed off because you only live once.

One Spring morning I opened TikTok to do my daily scrolling and a sermon clip came up. I thought “What is this doing here?” as I began to scroll past it. But something inside me said “Don’t.” And I didn’t. It was a sermon on soul ties and relationships. But it wasn’t this that caught my attention, it was the phrase “What are you tied to?”. I began to think of the things above and somehow, that day, I knew I needed something to change.

The next day, I bought my first journal the word Bible from amazon, and told myself to open it and read something everyday. And I did. God spoke, and He’s still speaking. Yeah, some things I still can’t explain how or why but I do know this–through an app used to distract me, God showed up, He cared for me so much to not leave me where I was. Today, I wake up everyday knowing my worth in Christ, knowing to look at my soul not my skin, knowing that if I go God’s way I can take the pressure off myself, and knowing to trust the Spirit inside me instead of the voices of this world. And don’t get me wrong, it’s hard, it takes time, but the time I spent living in my old ways I now spend, one day at a time, going God’s way.

I stopped thinking my own way, and started knowing God’s way.

Lily Kim